The Firefly

My mother and I stood in the balcony of our third floor apartment and I watched as this bright eyed girl with sunlight bouncing off her hair hopped across the quadrangle between our buildings. She looked up and beamed as my mother waved out to her. The eight year old me clearly remembers thinking, "that's one of the sunniest smiles I've ever seen!". "She's my student and the star of my latest play," said my mom smiling down at her. Called 'The Firefly', the title of the play and the role fit her personality like a glove! This tiny little ball of sunshine with bouncy hair and the brightest smile was my Kitikat...(some people knew her as Isha Mantry)

She personified positivity and always knew what she wanted. How such a tiny person could pack in so much punch always baffled me. She fought her way through school with a flick of her hair, defied the bullies and made her way into NIFT. "Do you want to be a tailor?" asked the poor ignorant souls but she just smiled at them. She stood out amid the pack of conformists with her bold use of colour and walked away with an award at the end of the grueling four years in college. Through it all, she remained the chirpy, optimistic and sunny little firefly she was! 

The film industry wasn't any easier on her. They thought she was a gullible little thing, but she laughed as her work left them astounded. She achieved so much on her own terms that I often felt like a proud parent. 

It's been 21 years since I saw you hopping across the courtyard and you have been such a big part of my life Kittu...

I'm so sorry for all the cancelled plans, the regrets, the hurt, the accusations, the  fights and all the times I should've been there for you and wasn't...

If only...

If only I'd called you every time I thought of you. If only I'd been a part of all your achievements and your successes; your moments of joy & triumph and the occasional times of sorrow and struggle. If only...

You shouldn't have gone so early. You're my sunshine. I learnt from you that waking up every day with a smile is so important! I can't watch House without thinking of how hard we laughed into the night at Hugh Laurie's speeches. I can't look at Meredith Grey without thinking of how much your smile is needed in this world full of grim faces. I can't think of my childhood without wanting to pull your cheeks...

Sleep peacefully you tiny little ball of sunshine with bouncy hair and the brightest smile. 

Sleep peacefully you little firefly...

Lots of love,
TD